Blog · Page 353 of 354 · Ashley Barnes

The Beginning

This poem is about my mom. I’ve been wanting to connect with her since she died 10 years ago, but never knew how. She’s been recently contacting people close to me, trying to get messages to me. Not too long ago, she told someone for me that all I had to do was to open the door and walk through it, and she would show me everything. Soon after that, I saw her in my mind’ s eye, not my earthly mother, but her spirit form. She was standing in a doorway, wearing long flowing robes, with her arms outstretched to me. A week or so ago, I was meditating and finally was able to connect with her directly, to hear her voice. During this meditation, she did something, I don’t know what, but the pure emotion of love that permeated me is almost indescribable in human terms. I wrote this poem shortly after as an attempt to capture the experience.

Empty vessel
Energetic connection
You fill me up

We’re in this together, you say
I will help you
I always have

Please don’t leave
Stay just a bit longer

Then—
Warmth, expansion
Unconditional love

Emotion overwhelms
Pours out involuntarily
Gasping for breath
Praying to hold on to this experience

This is just the beginning

©SpiritLed 2012

Exile

Musings, Spirit Reveries

I’ve been lost for years, exiled in my own suffering. Finally discovering that suffering and exile are a choice, I set out on a quest to discover how to choose a different path. Finding my old poems and exploring where my path turned, I have taken the initial steps toward home again. Like the prodigal son, there are many who applaud and welcome you when you take this step, but there are others who are jealous and angry that you get so much attention, seemingly for nothing. Anyone who has ever been lost knows the great personal courage it takes to right the course, to face the dawn of a new day. (10-10-12)

Doctrine & Dogma

Musings

I’ve struggled with religion for a long time, ever since my own “fall from Grace” in high school. Prior to that, I was very active in my church and I had close relationship (I thought) with God. But there was always something that didn’t quite fit. I realize, now that I understand spirituality differently, that what was missing for me was the concept that everything is religion. Religion, God, is not (to me) something outside of me, a goal to be reached. It is constantly within me and all that is around me. In recognizing this, suddenly my relationship with God, my Source, became real for the first time. No doctrine or dogma to create a barrier. Don’t get me wrong, one of the things I enjoyed about my former religious experiences was the rituals and ceremony; however, now those activities serve to enhance the experience, rather than serve as a necessity to reach the Source. (10-9-12)

The Beginning of My Feast

Awakenings, Poetic Healing

I recently dug out my old journal of poems and read through each one. It was so clear to see where the pain became too much to bear and I simply stopped writing, abandoning my last creative outlet. My final poem clearly depicted my inability to feel, to give anymore love in order to avoid the pain. So it seems fitting that in reopening myself to love that I first give back my heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved me. I added a new poem to my journal, 15 years after that last haunting entry. It’s the beginning of my feast:

A new day
A new hope
Fears of the past
Still linger
Memories of where I’ve been
They made me
But they did not break me

(10-8-12)

Shipwrecked

Poetic Healing, Spirit Reveries

Tossed upon the sea
Battered about
Wrecked upon the sand
And left there to perish
To recover only requires looking
If you care
If you dare
Could be a short trip
Or a long treacherous journey
The path is unknown
But oh so important
To recover what was
What still could be

(10-5-12)

The Questions of My Heart

Awakenings, Musings

How many questions live unresolved in my heart! I am seeking to discover and live my life’s purpose and it is unfolding slowly, step by step by step. I am constantly asking the Divine and my guides for guidance, and the answer I most often receive is “the answers are already within you”. So frustrating! And yet so often true. So the questions that are constantly in my heart are: What is my purpose? What is my path? What are my next steps? The trick is keeping these questions present and my heart open for guidance, while not thinking about the answers so much that thinking overshadows any guidance I may receive. (9-30-12)